As single women mature, they often hear the musings of their loved up friends and colleagues constantly telling them to stop being so fussy when it comes to men and dating. Luckily for me, I’m yet to hit that stage, although I have heard the complaints from many of my girlfriends, all of which are a vast array of ages, from late 20’s to early 50’s!
While I do agree that some women (and men) can sometimes set unrealistic expectations when looking for a potential partner – I truly believe that there are some major things that you should not have to settle for.
This revelation is something that has only come to me now that I have met someone else – someone who I have much more in common with than anyone else I have ever dated. This is not to say that this undermines my past relationships as being a waste of time or worthless, rather, a lesson. I would not be able to appreciate my current situation if it weren’t for those past experiences. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 – and looking back, I was blinded, and I probably settled for much more than I should have. Our deepest values were on different pages – and this ultimately caused many issues.
Like many women, the fear of being forever alone can get the better of you, and so you continue an exhausting cycle within a relationship that sees you happy only 40% of the time. As for the the rest of the time – you’re curled up in bed in a teary-eyed ball, with a tub of salted caramel Haagen Dasz ice cream and a mere table spoon as your only companion. Towards the end of my relationship, more often than not, I was always sad and I felt alone. How can someone be made to feel so alone when in a relationship?
Having said this, the situation wasn’t all bad, he never cheated on me, never laid a finger on me in an aggressive manner, and of course – I loved him. So why on earth would I break up with him? It is certainly a confusing cycle and when you’re stuck on that roller coaster of emotions, with its magnificently high ups and tortuous downs, you just don’t know what to do! Like me, you settle for the situation as is, because you think it could be worse, and you won’t know any better until you’re forced into a new relationship. Sure, it might be worse out there – but it also might be a million times better!
I’m beginning to understand the importance of being on the same page as your significant other. Of course, a few differences keep things fun and interesting, but for the most part, your ideals, values and beliefs need to complement one another, in order for things to come naturally and easily.
If you’re in a relationship that is causing you to fight in the first two months about some pretty major topics, then it is likely that this situation will only get worse – unless one of you settles. But you shouldn’t have to settle. Compromise and communication is integral in any relationship, but when you settle, the resentment from giving into something that goes against your own values can prove to be detrimental in the long run, and it works in a way in which compromise does not. There is a difference between settling and compromising – one will work negatively to tear you apart, and one will work to maturely bring you together.
Whether the value in question relates to drugs, finances, religion, marriage, work ethic, children or whatever – if you have a strong set of beliefs regarding the subject matter, and your partner is on the opposing end of your belief – I’m sorry, but it’s a ticking time bomb – and shit will totally hit the fan sooner or later! It might not be a deal-breaker, but it will cause constant underlying friction. If you ask me, that’s no way to live, and being alone and happy is a small price to pay than to downgrade your set of values. This will also open you up to meeting someone who is on the same wavelength as you.
Had I known this earlier, I wouldn’t have lasted in my own relationship for the amount of time that I did. But as I said, I needed to go through it in order to prepare me for the amazingness that would later be sent my way. The universe works in mysterious ways, but she damn well knows what she’s doing!
So this is my message to all of you out there stuck in your not-so-bad, can be great at times – but kind of mediocre relationships. If you’re disagreeing over something small – just let it go. But if its over something important to you, consider whether its really worth your time.
Love & Light,
I was recently faced with a confronting situation – something that I have never had to deal with before. To tell you the truth, this has been weeks in the making. I can only liken it to a simmering pot of water which finally hit boiling point and boy, did it overflow last weekend.
So as a side note, and at the risk of tooting my own horn, let me take the time to say that I have never had any trouble with the family or friends of those who I am dating, nor of those of my friends and acquaintances.
That is, until now!
I am respectful, loving and kind to everyone that I meet and I spent hours wracking my brain, trying to find possibilities as to why such negative energy was being emitted by a particular person, especially within my presence. It totally didn’t help when empath mode kicked in – I felt absolutely every low vibrational frequency being emitted by this person, causing me to feel further discomfort.
Without getting into specifics, recently a person came into my life who I care about deeply. I know they share the same sentiments towards me, but let’s just say someone in their life, does not. I have been assured that this is not a result of something I have said or done (in fact, I don’t say or do much in front of this person out of sheer intimidation), rather, this person wants to be left alone within their own space. Socializing isn’t their thing, and me being in the picture impedes on this, and they sure do make it known (in a passive aggressive kind of way) – even if it comes across as rude and unwarranted by the guest (me). It has also come to my attention that this person has lost many friends in the past, due to their mentality and actions.
Fair enough, each to their own, but I shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable within a situation, not to mention, their actions could have easily driven a wedge between me and the person I care about. Behaviour such as this is selfish and immature – something I am completely beyond considering I left high school 6 years ago. I should disclose that there’s a lot more going on here with this person that I would rather not discuss publicly for the sake of everyone involved. For the first time ever, I have come to realise that it is indeed possible for people to never be happy, especially if they’re not open to helping themselves.
I know I’m usually all ‘love and light’ but hey, I’m only human – and if a post fueled by a little bit of anger is necessary to blow off some steam, then that’s what I’m gonna do. For excuses sake (not that I need any) – let’s blame my #Zoloftwithdrawals for this post. Although having said this, prior to me jumping on the medication I was nicknamed ‘Chihuahua’ for my small but feisty nature … Oh yeah, I’m starting to remember what Chihuahua mode feels like… it’s good to be back, kids! 🙂
I have learnt a thing or two since then, so I’m going to put a positive spin on this with the help of some tips from Kismet Awaits – Intuitive Readings (Facebook). I came across these tips a while back and saved them for a rainy day. Get your umbrella homies because that day has come! Here’s all you need to know about protecting yourself from Energy Vampires, so instead of sucking the life out of you, you can tell them to go suck a 🙊😮 …. Let’s leave that one open to interpretation, shall we? 😉
- You feel exhausted, tired, weak or sick – even after a phone conversation.
- You’re unfocused or depressed and a headache has developed.
- You lack motivation.
- You notice a slimy or uncomfortable feeling when you are in their presence.
- You feel fearful, intimidated, unworthy or unhappy.
- Your chest tightens when you meet them.
Tips to protect yourself from an EV
Awareness is vital, if you notice the above signs, try the following:
- Take a deep breath, center yourself and stand your ground. Do not allow them to bring you down to their level.
- Set boundaries, say no – you have the choice to walk away and not deal with them.
- Do not react, stay neutral. They will get bored and go feed off someone else.
- Cut cords of attachment. If you think someone is draining you, imagine there’s a chord attaching them to you, and visualize cutting through that chord with an imaginary axe.
- Use light. If you have left a particularly uncomfortable situation, imagine you are standing under a shower of silver light to cleanse and wash away any feelings of discomfort. You can also shield yourself with white light for protection. Imagine yourself surrounded by white light, and set the intention that your energy stays with you. Kismet Awaits also suggests using pink light – so they can’t steal your energy but so love can also be sent back to them – chances are, they’ll need all the love they can get!
- Ask Archangel Michael for help (or any other spirit that you feel protected by) – you can do this in your mind. Archangel Michael particularly is great for clearing negative energy and shielding you from energy attacks. He will shield you with beautiful blue light.
- Wear a crystal to act as a buffer in harsh energy situations. Want a list of crystals for protection? Click here
- Consider what you need to learn from the situation.
- Surround yourself with happy, positive people – and continue being happy and positive yourself (most of the time, anyway!).
So there you have it, some insightful energy protection tips that I will definitely be utilizing in the future.
Let’s hope these encounters are few and far between …
… I was never a big fan of Twilight anyway.
Peace out – ✌🏼️
Just over a week and a half ago, I took my last half pill (25mg) of Sertraline. Throughout my time on the anti-depressants, I wasn’t sure how much of a difference they actually made. Sure, I felt more relaxed and it really did help to bring my spirits up when I was at the lowest point in my life – but a small part of me thought that perhaps some kind of placebo mental game was play. I didn’t feel completely numb while on them, I still felt sad, and I still got anxious at times, but I am now beginning to realise just how much of an effect they really do have on your body.
*** Cue the withdrawal symptoms! ***
The last week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, constant dizziness, high irritability and a lot of crying! It’s not really pleasant, but I am hopeful that the worst of these symptoms will be over in a couple of weeks. My biggest concern is how I will cope with my anxiety. What people seem to often do is package anxiety and depression in the one box. Sure, these often go hand in hand, but not always.
Dealing with anxiousness on the other hand is a different story. This is something that I honestly do struggle with at the best of times, and is something that I am going to need to focus on over the next few weeks, especially while my body is getting used to the lack of substance that it was being fed for just under year and a half.
I probably should have done some more research before jumping off the meds, but I know this is the right time for me, despite how crap I feel at the moment. In case you’re in the same boat, here’s some helpful info courtesy of Mental Health Daily.
It also lists some of the symptoms which may be experienced. A few of these that I personally can relate to include:
- Brain zaps
- Crying spells
- Memory loss
- Mood swings
- Panic attacks
- Weakness in muscles and joints
So what am I going to do about it?
I could sit here feeling sorry for myself, and ultimately make myself feel even worse than I already do, or I can simply try. Try to get though the next few weeks utlising all the new techniques that I have learnt.
I think I’m going to go with the latter.
Let’s just say, Lavender scented essential oil has become my new best friend – we are attached at the hip, and just like a clingy girlfriend, it ain’t going anywhere until I say it can! That’s tip number 1. Lavender is renowned for its aromatic therapeutic properties and I’m taking full advantage! I may as well bathe myself in it!
Self care is tip 4 – clothes, lippy and nails – #noshame to treating myself over the next few weeks. Remember that when you look good, you feel good!
Number 5 – Crystals – they are also my friends and they can stay. My favourites during stressful periods are clear quartz, rose quartz and blue lace agate.
6 – Herbal tea – I have just invested in some calming therapeutic tea thanks to Organics for Lily. Her blends contain lavender, lemon balm and chamomile.
The last thing you want is to end up like this guy –
With all that in mind, I don’t expect each day to be rainbows and fairies and sunshine and unicorns. Having shitty days is part of the process. But even if you pick one of those tips to implement within a crappy day, it counts for something and it may even help in the moment!
I’m glad I was on the lowest possible dosage of 50mg and I am glad that I decided to get off the meds now. I didn’t expect jumping off them to be such a bumpy road, but I have seen worse days. If I could get through last year, I can get through anything.
And so can you 🙂
Love & Light,
As the great Alfred Lord Tennyson once put it, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.’
In the early months following the demise of my relationship, I struggled to see how I would ever be able to love anyone as much as I loved him again. I was certain that we would spend the rest of our lives thinking that perhaps that one another were the one that got away, forever tainted by the loss of this love.
A year and 3 months on, my views are beginning to change. Don’t get me wrong – he will always be my first love and he will always hold a small piece of my heart. I would be lying to myself if I completely disregarded that. But if you were to ask me today if I thought it was possible for me to love again – I’d say, ‘damn straight it is!’
For me, opening up to idea of dating again was a slow process. It began with me not wanting to think, look or talk to another guy. I felt as though doing so would be a betrayal to him. My mourning period and grieving overshadowed any notion of entertaining other men.
I then went to Europe, two months following the break up, (initially still in this mindset). The long European Summer nights got the better of me however, and I left that trip with a few stolen kisses from a couple of suitors. #noregrets
Upon my return to Melbourne – bung knee and all – I found myself retreating to my previous mindset. The thought of dating again honestly made me feel sick. The last thing I wanted to think about was him with another woman, and me with another man.
I think this was because I still had a lot of healing to do. Sure, my trip was a great learning experience in the interim, but it was also a distraction. I now had to learn the meaning of self-care and self-love in order to move forward.
Flash forward a few weeks, my dislocated knee on the mend, I went out one night with the girls. There I met one of their friends, not intending for anything to happen, but one thing lead to another and we began seeing each other for the few months that followed. Unfortunately, as many of you reading this would know, timing has a big part to play in the outcome of any relationship. I still wasn’t 100% ready to allow myself to be completely open to the idea of being with him officially, in terms of ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’ labelling. Sure, I liked him a lot, and I know he liked me too – but he wasn’t ready to wait for me – and I wasn’t ready to be ready any time soon. It was difficult, but we decided to remain friends.
Flash forward again a couple months – I had been doing lots of work on myself – and was really learning to be okay on my own. A night out with friends again caused me to meet It’s all in a hug guy annnnnd the rest, as the saying goes, is history.
I don’t know what the future holds here, but my spidey senses are tingling and let’s just say, the reservations I held previously have completely diminished. I can now safely say that for the first time since my break up, that I know what it feels like to have that potential of being able to love someone again – just as much as my first love, if not more.
Now if you’re reading this, hug guy – don’t freak out – this isn’t my public declaration of love for you. This is me noticing a change in my personal mindset – of once being closed off to loving again, to now realizing that there is a definite possibility for me to love again. You might have a small part to play in this. Thanks dude 👍🏼
It’s not every day you meet your opposite sex equivalent – but as he and I have come to realise, we have A LOT in common. A little too much! Down to the bank account organization! What the hell? In fact – we constantly freak ourselves out over how many of our beliefs, values and mindsets are alike. Its freaky shit – but I like it.
My first and I had a lot in common as well. I know they say that opposites attract but for me personally, commonality works best in my relationships as I find having common interests and values minimizes a lot of stress and unnecessary arguments. My first and I did disagree on a couple of major topics, however you tend to turn a blind eye for the ones you love. As time goes on though, sometimes you grow apart, and these differences become even more apparent. Sometimes you start off on the same path and then the routes change – whether you choose to go down the same path together or not is up to a range of factors.
Now I’m starting to realise that despite having a lot in common with my first – perhaps I have even more in common with those who are currently in my life. It’s not just about having a lot in common, it’s about having the right things in common – and this is the difference in my interactions within my relationships that I am starting to be more aware of and acknowledge as important.
My thoughts lead me to believe that if I was able to love the wrong person so much – imagine the amount of love I will be able to give to the right person. The potential to love again definitely exists, but it takes a while to get through the fog and gain a clearer perspective of this possibility.
Whatever happens in my future it’s comforting to know that just because one loving process may end, it doesn’t mean love ends for good. I have come to realise that we all have a range of soul mates that come into our lives to teach us valuable lessons, and to help our souls evolve. This is what opens us up to the opportunity of multiple loves – a concept I never quite understood until now.
It’s true that it is better to have loved and lost, because had I had not loved at all, I would have never come to this conclusion. Being in love once taught me how to love again, as did being loved. Love is a beautiful thing, and our lifetime spent on this earth is short. Building walls to avoid hurt and heartbreak only hinders your chances of experiencing new and better loving relationships. This is a risk I’m not willing to take because I love, love and all the good that comes with it.
My advice to those of you thinking you’ll never find love again… Start with yourself. Love yourself, and half the battle is already accomplished. Take the time to grieve your past relationships and when you’re ready, get back out there. Carpe diem!
Love, light, and a little more love,
Love is just the most beautiful thing in this messed up world. In all it’s forms, it’s just the purest, most beautiful thing. Love for your family, friends, partner, pets, nature and for yourself are all so important. Love more, love fearlessly.