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Love & Light,
When you break up with someone, there’s no real handbook to tell you how to best deal with it. Sure, there’s many self help books out there, but what works for one person, may not work for you. Ultimately, you have no choice but to figure it out on your own, with time your biggest hurdle in restoring happiness to your life once again.
But time has a funny way of playing tricks on you. Sometimes a year feels like not long ago, sometimes you only met someone a month ago but it feels as though you’ve known them for a lifetime. Likewise, timing can be problematic when dealing with the end of a relationship.
One day, you’re together. The next you’re not, and before you know it, two years have flown by and you’re left wondering where the hell the last 24 months went? You know that you’ve changed in that amount of time, however a small part of you has immortalized your former lover in a world that’s stuck two years prior. How strange it is to think that you know all this information about a human being. Their likes and dislikes, or their favorite movie or genre in music, only to separate and to have no use for this information anymore.
The trouble is, this old information is deceiving, because the person you knew and loved two years ago, has now changed, just as you have, and realizing this can be difficult to come to terms with.
As many of you know, my long journey of healing had for the most part been dealt with, or so I thought. Unfortunately, in this age of social media, it’s much easier to know people’s business, and friends of friends will talk, and things will get back to you. This is how new information on a former partner will slowly filter its way to you, and just when you think that you’ve dealt with everything that needs to be dealt with, a trigger will occur and you’ll find yourself asking – why do I care? Why has this effected me? And why am I upset?
Yep, this was news to me too!
The ‘Oh I thought I had dealt with that but I mustn’t have’ moment is exactly what happened to me two weeks ago, and what resulted was an influx of forgotten insecurities that flooded my memory once again. Feelings arose that reminded me what it once felt like to not feel adequate enough for someone. Feelings that reminded me that my former partner is out there living his life and is … HAPPY?
Funnily enough, I too am happy in my new life, with my current partner who treats me like an absolute princess and who I love dearly. Having these emotions arise as a result of someone in your past causes a sense of guilt and confusion. It’s important to remember that this isn’t a reflection on the current relationship, rather feelings spawned completely from a subconscious repressed insecurity that had been pushed aside.
The truth is, I do not harbor any feelings of wanting to get back with my ex, nor do I have any resentment towards him. You can work as hard as you like on yourself. Do the self care thing, see a therapist and talk to friends. But from time to time, little things will trigger the insecurities that have been embedded into your subconscious from a past relationship.
And that’s totally okay.
It doesn’t mean you still love them.
It doesn’t mean you want to get back with them.
I can’t tell you if you’ll ever get over these insecurities. I myself don’t even know if it’s in the cards for me. What I can tell you however is to not dwell on these moments. Let them come, and let them go.
Pick yourself up – and keep doing you.
x love & light
As single women mature, they often hear the musings of their loved up friends and colleagues constantly telling them to stop being so fussy when it comes to men and dating. Luckily for me, I’m yet to hit that stage, although I have heard the complaints from many of my girlfriends, all of which are a vast array of ages, from late 20’s to early 50’s!
While I do agree that some women (and men) can sometimes set unrealistic expectations when looking for a potential partner – I truly believe that there are some major things that you should not have to settle for.
This revelation is something that has only come to me now that I have met someone else – someone who I have much more in common with than anyone else I have ever dated. This is not to say that this undermines my past relationships as being a waste of time or worthless, rather, a lesson. I would not be able to appreciate my current situation if it weren’t for those past experiences. As they say, hindsight is 20/20 – and looking back, I was blinded, and I probably settled for much more than I should have. Our deepest values were on different pages – and this ultimately caused many issues.
Like many women, the fear of being forever alone can get the better of you, and so you continue an exhausting cycle within a relationship that sees you happy only 40% of the time. As for the the rest of the time – you’re curled up in bed in a teary-eyed ball, with a tub of salted caramel Haagen Dasz ice cream and a mere table spoon as your only companion. Towards the end of my relationship, more often than not, I was always sad and I felt alone. How can someone be made to feel so alone when in a relationship?
Having said this, the situation wasn’t all bad, he never cheated on me, never laid a finger on me in an aggressive manner, and of course – I loved him. So why on earth would I break up with him? It is certainly a confusing cycle and when you’re stuck on that roller coaster of emotions, with its magnificently high ups and tortuous downs, you just don’t know what to do! Like me, you settle for the situation as is, because you think it could be worse, and you won’t know any better until you’re forced into a new relationship. Sure, it might be worse out there – but it also might be a million times better!
I’m beginning to understand the importance of being on the same page as your significant other. Of course, a few differences keep things fun and interesting, but for the most part, your ideals, values and beliefs need to complement one another, in order for things to come naturally and easily.
If you’re in a relationship that is causing you to fight in the first two months about some pretty major topics, then it is likely that this situation will only get worse – unless one of you settles. But you shouldn’t have to settle. Compromise and communication is integral in any relationship, but when you settle, the resentment from giving into something that goes against your own values can prove to be detrimental in the long run, and it works in a way in which compromise does not. There is a difference between settling and compromising – one will work negatively to tear you apart, and one will work to maturely bring you together.
Whether the value in question relates to drugs, finances, religion, marriage, work ethic, children or whatever – if you have a strong set of beliefs regarding the subject matter, and your partner is on the opposing end of your belief – I’m sorry, but it’s a ticking time bomb – and shit will totally hit the fan sooner or later! It might not be a deal-breaker, but it will cause constant underlying friction. If you ask me, that’s no way to live, and being alone and happy is a small price to pay than to downgrade your set of values. This will also open you up to meeting someone who is on the same wavelength as you.
Had I known this earlier, I wouldn’t have lasted in my own relationship for the amount of time that I did. But as I said, I needed to go through it in order to prepare me for the amazingness that would later be sent my way. The universe works in mysterious ways, but she damn well knows what she’s doing!
So this is my message to all of you out there stuck in your not-so-bad, can be great at times – but kind of mediocre relationships. If you’re disagreeing over something small – just let it go. But if its over something important to you, consider whether its really worth your time.
Love & Light,
I was recently faced with a confronting situation – something that I have never had to deal with before. To tell you the truth, this has been weeks in the making. I can only liken it to a simmering pot of water which finally hit boiling point and boy, did it overflow last weekend.
So as a side note, and at the risk of tooting my own horn, let me take the time to say that I have never had any trouble with the family or friends of those who I am dating, nor of those of my friends and acquaintances.
That is, until now!
I am respectful, loving and kind to everyone that I meet and I spent hours wracking my brain, trying to find possibilities as to why such negative energy was being emitted by a particular person, especially within my presence. It totally didn’t help when empath mode kicked in – I felt absolutely every low vibrational frequency being emitted by this person, causing me to feel further discomfort.
Without getting into specifics, recently a person came into my life who I care about deeply. I know they share the same sentiments towards me, but let’s just say someone in their life, does not. I have been assured that this is not a result of something I have said or done (in fact, I don’t say or do much in front of this person out of sheer intimidation), rather, this person wants to be left alone within their own space. Socializing isn’t their thing, and me being in the picture impedes on this, and they sure do make it known (in a passive aggressive kind of way) – even if it comes across as rude and unwarranted by the guest (me). It has also come to my attention that this person has lost many friends in the past, due to their mentality and actions.
Fair enough, each to their own, but I shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable within a situation, not to mention, their actions could have easily driven a wedge between me and the person I care about. Behaviour such as this is selfish and immature – something I am completely beyond considering I left high school 6 years ago. I should disclose that there’s a lot more going on here with this person that I would rather not discuss publicly for the sake of everyone involved. For the first time ever, I have come to realise that it is indeed possible for people to never be happy, especially if they’re not open to helping themselves.
I know I’m usually all ‘love and light’ but hey, I’m only human – and if a post fueled by a little bit of anger is necessary to blow off some steam, then that’s what I’m gonna do. For excuses sake (not that I need any) – let’s blame my #Zoloftwithdrawals for this post. Although having said this, prior to me jumping on the medication I was nicknamed ‘Chihuahua’ for my small but feisty nature … Oh yeah, I’m starting to remember what Chihuahua mode feels like… it’s good to be back, kids! 🙂
I have learnt a thing or two since then, so I’m going to put a positive spin on this with the help of some tips from Kismet Awaits – Intuitive Readings (Facebook). I came across these tips a while back and saved them for a rainy day. Get your umbrella homies because that day has come! Here’s all you need to know about protecting yourself from Energy Vampires, so instead of sucking the life out of you, you can tell them to go suck a 🙊😮 …. Let’s leave that one open to interpretation, shall we? 😉
- You feel exhausted, tired, weak or sick – even after a phone conversation.
- You’re unfocused or depressed and a headache has developed.
- You lack motivation.
- You notice a slimy or uncomfortable feeling when you are in their presence.
- You feel fearful, intimidated, unworthy or unhappy.
- Your chest tightens when you meet them.
Tips to protect yourself from an EV
Awareness is vital, if you notice the above signs, try the following:
- Take a deep breath, center yourself and stand your ground. Do not allow them to bring you down to their level.
- Set boundaries, say no – you have the choice to walk away and not deal with them.
- Do not react, stay neutral. They will get bored and go feed off someone else.
- Cut cords of attachment. If you think someone is draining you, imagine there’s a chord attaching them to you, and visualize cutting through that chord with an imaginary axe.
- Use light. If you have left a particularly uncomfortable situation, imagine you are standing under a shower of silver light to cleanse and wash away any feelings of discomfort. You can also shield yourself with white light for protection. Imagine yourself surrounded by white light, and set the intention that your energy stays with you. Kismet Awaits also suggests using pink light – so they can’t steal your energy but so love can also be sent back to them – chances are, they’ll need all the love they can get!
- Ask Archangel Michael for help (or any other spirit that you feel protected by) – you can do this in your mind. Archangel Michael particularly is great for clearing negative energy and shielding you from energy attacks. He will shield you with beautiful blue light.
- Wear a crystal to act as a buffer in harsh energy situations. Want a list of crystals for protection? Click here
- Consider what you need to learn from the situation.
- Surround yourself with happy, positive people – and continue being happy and positive yourself (most of the time, anyway!).
So there you have it, some insightful energy protection tips that I will definitely be utilizing in the future.
Let’s hope these encounters are few and far between …
… I was never a big fan of Twilight anyway.
Peace out – ✌🏼️
Just over a week and a half ago, I took my last half pill (25mg) of Sertraline. Throughout my time on the anti-depressants, I wasn’t sure how much of a difference they actually made. Sure, I felt more relaxed and it really did help to bring my spirits up when I was at the lowest point in my life – but a small part of me thought that perhaps some kind of placebo mental game was play. I didn’t feel completely numb while on them, I still felt sad, and I still got anxious at times, but I am now beginning to realise just how much of an effect they really do have on your body.
*** Cue the withdrawal symptoms! ***
The last week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, constant dizziness, high irritability and a lot of crying! It’s not really pleasant, but I am hopeful that the worst of these symptoms will be over in a couple of weeks. My biggest concern is how I will cope with my anxiety. What people seem to often do is package anxiety and depression in the one box. Sure, these often go hand in hand, but not always.
Dealing with anxiousness on the other hand is a different story. This is something that I honestly do struggle with at the best of times, and is something that I am going to need to focus on over the next few weeks, especially while my body is getting used to the lack of substance that it was being fed for just under year and a half.
I probably should have done some more research before jumping off the meds, but I know this is the right time for me, despite how crap I feel at the moment. In case you’re in the same boat, here’s some helpful info courtesy of Mental Health Daily.
It also lists some of the symptoms which may be experienced. A few of these that I personally can relate to include:
- Brain zaps
- Crying spells
- Memory loss
- Mood swings
- Panic attacks
- Weakness in muscles and joints
So what am I going to do about it?
I could sit here feeling sorry for myself, and ultimately make myself feel even worse than I already do, or I can simply try. Try to get though the next few weeks utlising all the new techniques that I have learnt.
I think I’m going to go with the latter.
Let’s just say, Lavender scented essential oil has become my new best friend – we are attached at the hip, and just like a clingy girlfriend, it ain’t going anywhere until I say it can! That’s tip number 1. Lavender is renowned for its aromatic therapeutic properties and I’m taking full advantage! I may as well bathe myself in it!
Self care is tip 4 – clothes, lippy and nails – #noshame to treating myself over the next few weeks. Remember that when you look good, you feel good!
Number 5 – Crystals – they are also my friends and they can stay. My favourites during stressful periods are clear quartz, rose quartz and blue lace agate.
6 – Herbal tea – I have just invested in some calming therapeutic tea thanks to Organics for Lily. Her blends contain lavender, lemon balm and chamomile.
The last thing you want is to end up like this guy –
With all that in mind, I don’t expect each day to be rainbows and fairies and sunshine and unicorns. Having shitty days is part of the process. But even if you pick one of those tips to implement within a crappy day, it counts for something and it may even help in the moment!
I’m glad I was on the lowest possible dosage of 50mg and I am glad that I decided to get off the meds now. I didn’t expect jumping off them to be such a bumpy road, but I have seen worse days. If I could get through last year, I can get through anything.
And so can you 🙂
Love & Light,