After breaking up with my ex I was absolutely petrified to start dating again. To be perfectly honest, I still am. I honestly cannot be f**ked with the methods of new-age dating as it has developed to become superficial, merely for the benefits of instant gratification, one night stands and friends with benefits – no strings attached!
Hey, if you’re into all those things, be my guest, I’m not here to judge … it’s just not my thing – it never has been, and it never will be.
The likes of apps such as Tinder and social media generally, have enabled the platform for instant hook-ups to really take off. Upon discussion with a good friend of mine, she noted her brother’s Tinder antics in which he would often sneak out of his parent’s home to hook up with women almost ten years his senior. Again, not my thing – but the point is that these types of relationships are certainly on the rise due to their convenience and their discreet nature. Nobody ever has to know.
It’s safe to say I have become cautious in my dealings with guys. I shouldn’t judge and cast them as ‘all the same’ – but if you’ve been hurt once, you tend to try not be so naïve the next time around. Having said this, I am still open to the idea of finding love again, but in the meantime I need to love myself first and foremost. Yeah, the Biebz was definitely onto something there. Everyone should go and love themselves, and perhaps then we wouldn’t be searching for quick and easy spurts of love that make us feel good in the moment. Perhaps we’ll be too busy going to yoga and meditating and looking within ourselves for solace, at which point the right person will grace you with their presence, without you expecting it because you would’ve been too busy doing YOU. And it will turn your world upside down, and they may make you the happiest you’ve ever been, and it might work out and you’ll live happily ever after … or it might not, and you’ll be heartbroken again and you’ll leave with another lessoned learned. Who knows what your journey holds? All you have to do is keep living and keep painting that blank canvas with every stroke that comes your way.
On a lighter note, I went out for the first time in ages on Sunday night. And when I say out, I don’t mean hair tied up in a messy bun, leggings and ugh boots chucked on for a quick dash to the local kebab shop and end up leaving smelling like garlic and Turkish Delights. I went out clubbing with a couple of girlfriends and I have to say, I noticed a pleasant change in the way guy’s handled their interactions with me. We all know I look young for my age, so let’s ignore the fact that 18 year old guys (6 years younger than me and also my sisters age) attempted to hit on me, and let’s just say their methods of interaction are yet to have developed since I was their age, sorry kids – I’m going to focus on the others who made an effort to chat and get to know me, and ask for my number without trying to stick their tongue down my throat.
Is it bad that this surprised me? The fact that some guys had the decency (and the balls) to simply ask for my number and expect nothing more? – Possibly. But I think I had resigned to the fact that most guys on a night out with their friends just want to get in – get out – and boast about it afterward. Oh how wrong I was proven.
To tell you the truth, I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun while out with my friends. We had a laugh, we had a drink and we had a dance. But one particular thing happened that night which has since stayed with me.
I was approached by a guy who alluded to my smallness as his opening statement (mmm okay, nothing new there), but what followed kind of took me by surprise. He so politely and kindly asked for a hug! – I couldn’t say no to that, and why would I want to say no anyway, who doesn’t love a good hug! We got talking, we exchanged numbers and have been messaging ever since.
Turns out, he’s been through a pretty tough time too, recently getting out of a ten year relationship. And to think I struggled so much after the demise of my three year relationship. He read this very blog, and took the time to learn more about my past. And we both laughed at the irony of how we both really needed that hug that night, and how funny it was that we were able to comfort each other in that moment without even knowing what each other had been through over the past year.
It just goes to show that a simple act like a nice hug goes a long way. At the end of the day, we don’t know what the person next to us is going through so be kind to one another because you might just end up saving a life. An insignificant act to you may mean the world to someone else, just as that hug meant the world to me. There was something so innocent about this form of contact that it provided us both with just the comfort we needed – without over-stepping any boundaries.
So my advice to you today is to go out there and hug someone. Hug your mum, go and hug your dad, your sibling, a grandparent, a friend – heck – even go ahead and hug a random (with their consent) – go and make someone’s day by spreading your love.
Sending happiness, positive vibes and love your way *virtual hug*